By Luna Fejza, RN, Certified Nurse Psychotherapist, Auren Wellness
Social anxiety is more than feeling shy. It can make ordinary interactions, joining a conversation, speaking in a meeting, attending an event, or making a phone call, feel unusually high-stakes.
You might worry that people will notice your nervousness, think you sound awkward, or judge something you said. Even when an interaction goes reasonably well, you may replay it afterward, searching for mistakes that other people probably did not notice.
The encouraging news is that social anxiety is highly treatable. With the right support, people can become less controlled by fear and more able to participate in the relationships, opportunities, and experiences that matter to them.
Quick answer: Social anxiety is a persistent fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social situations. It often leads to avoidance, overthinking, and self-monitoring, which can keep the anxiety going. Treatment, especially CBT designed for social anxiety, can help by reducing avoidance, challenging anxious predictions, and building confidence through gradual practice.
Social anxiety involves a strong fear of being negatively evaluated, embarrassed, rejected, or exposed in social or performance situations. For some people, it appears mainly during public speaking, interviews, or presentations. For others, it affects daily interactions more broadly.
It may look like:
Not everyone who experiences social anxiety has a social anxiety disorder. It becomes more concerning when it is persistent, distressing, or interferes with relationships, work, school or daily life.
Social anxiety often persists through a self-reinforcing cycle.
Before an interaction, the mind predicts something threatening: I won't know what to say. They'll think I'm strange. Everyone will notice how anxious I am.
During the interaction, attention turns inward. Instead of following the conversation, you may monitor your expression, voice, posture, heartbeat, or every word. This self-focused attention can make it harder to respond naturally, which may then feel like proof that something is going wrong.
People also develop understandable ways of trying to stay safe. You might plan every sentence, avoid speaking unless you are certain of the answer, hold a drink to hide shaking hands, check your phone, or leave early. In therapy, we often call these safety behaviours.
Safety behaviours and avoidance may bring short-term relief, but they can fuel anxiety. Afterward, many people replay the interaction, focus on perceived mistakes, and overlook what went well.
People often believe they need to become confident before they can enter uncomfortable situations. In practice, confidence often develops through repeated experience.
This does not mean forcing yourself into the most frightening situation. Exposure should be gradual and purposeful. You might begin by asking one question, making one comment in a meeting, or staying briefly at an event.
It also helps to shift the measure of success. Instead of asking, "Was I perfectly calm?" or "Did everyone like me?" you might ask:
Clinical guidelines recommend Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), specifically designed for social anxiety, as one of the best-supported treatments.
Treatment may involve:
This work should be collaborative. Therapy should not push you into situations without preparation or dismiss your fears. Together, we build experiments that are challenging enough to create new learning but manageable enough to repeat.
Other approaches, including short-term psychodynamic therapy, may also help some people explore shame, relationship patterns, and earlier experiences connected to their anxiety.
If social anxiety is affecting your relationships, work, or daily life, social anxiety therapy can help you better understand the patterns keeping it in place and begin practising new ways of responding.
The purpose of treatment is not to change your personality. You can remain quiet, thoughtful, private, introverted, or selective about relationships.
The goal is freedom: being able to speak when you have something to say, build relationships you value, pursue opportunities, set boundaries, and tolerate ordinary moments of awkwardness without treating them as evidence that something is wrong with you.
Consider speaking with a therapist when social anxiety causes avoidance, affects your work or relationships, creates significant distress, or limits your life.
Social anxiety can make everyday interactions feel far more threatening than they are. With the right support, those situations can become less exhausting, less consuming, and easier to approach without feeling like you have to perform perfectly.
If social anxiety is making everyday life feel harder than it needs to, support is available across Ontario. Book a free 15-minute consultation with me to see whether working together feels like the right fit.
This article is educational and is not a substitute for individualized assessment or treatment. If you are experiencing an emergency or immediate danger, call 9-1-1 or go to your nearest emergency department.
This article is educational and is not a substitute for individual therapy, medical care, or professional advice. Reading something that resonates is a useful start — a conversation with a Registered Psychotherapist is often the next step.
If you are in crisis, call or text 9-8-8 (Canada's Suicide Crisis Helpline), or go to your nearest emergency room. This site is not a crisis service.
A free 15-minute consultation is the lowest-pressure way to see if therapy with our team could help. Virtual or in-person.
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